The Blood Badger Terror
'Strawberries saw the cream of the town celebrate soldiers', says a headline on the front of the Brentwood Weekly News. If headlines are all about the concise delivery of information, then that one would make a great cryptic crossword clue. Further in, we see a picture of Stephen Mulhern with his arm around a twelve-year old boy, positioned just above the headline: 'Perv's sickening child porn haul'.
Unfortunate.
Not that I'd go along with this no doubt inadvertent suggestion, but there is something slightly unnerving about Stephen Mulhern, I find: as if he might be the result of some crazed scientist's attempt to grow a version of Philip Schofield in a test tube. The experiment hasn't gone badly wrong... but it hasn't gone quite right either.
The other night I hit my head on the corner of an open window at the back of the maisonette. It didn't hurt but it bled, as they say, profusely. I took it quite well and started working my weary way through the kitchen towel, but now I wish I'd milked it: stumbled into the lounge where Dave was, clutching my head with blood-spattered hands, and taken half an hour to tell a garbled, surreal story about how it had happened.
I could have said I'd been assaulted by a badger, and joined in the media frenzy surrounding the 'fox attack twins'. It seems a solid bandwagon to jump on - glancing at the schedules, I see that they already have their own TV series. Well, maybe it was a one-off, but a media career is surely on the cards with a name like that. The Fox Attack Twins! We can't wait to see what they'll do next! Once they've recovered and grown up, of course.
Unfortunate.
Not that I'd go along with this no doubt inadvertent suggestion, but there is something slightly unnerving about Stephen Mulhern, I find: as if he might be the result of some crazed scientist's attempt to grow a version of Philip Schofield in a test tube. The experiment hasn't gone badly wrong... but it hasn't gone quite right either.
The other night I hit my head on the corner of an open window at the back of the maisonette. It didn't hurt but it bled, as they say, profusely. I took it quite well and started working my weary way through the kitchen towel, but now I wish I'd milked it: stumbled into the lounge where Dave was, clutching my head with blood-spattered hands, and taken half an hour to tell a garbled, surreal story about how it had happened.
I could have said I'd been assaulted by a badger, and joined in the media frenzy surrounding the 'fox attack twins'. It seems a solid bandwagon to jump on - glancing at the schedules, I see that they already have their own TV series. Well, maybe it was a one-off, but a media career is surely on the cards with a name like that. The Fox Attack Twins! We can't wait to see what they'll do next! Once they've recovered and grown up, of course.
posted by martin at 11:09 AM
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