Do I know how to party?

In a couple of days I’ll be forty. The age when they say life begins. Which might well be true, but is it necessarily a good thing? I’ve not made things any easier for myself by deciding, for the first time in my life, to have a party. I have to fill a hall with people I know. I can’t help feeling I should have gone for something more practical - like a very small room. Already I’m stuffing invitations into the carrier bags of our more presentable customers. And replying (invitation attached) to spam e-mails. Hotmail member services seem a friendly enough bunch, but McAfee definitely won’t come until I renew my trial subscription. Which isn’t likely to happen anytime soon.

Failing that, maybe I could get an up-and-coming artist to fill space with some kind of installation. Or invite a lot of broad-shouldered people.

If all else fails and nobody turns up, I’ll have to make that a feature. Play grim industrial ambient music (I’ve no shortage of that) and force everyone to stand at least ten feet apart to exacerbate the atmosphere of isolation and dread. When the tension finally cracks in some kind of mad outburst of hysterical activity, the result will be surprisingly similar to a really good time. Won’t it?