fishy

What have they done to Captain Birdseye? Boatless now, beard and manic excesses trimmed, he sits - in the latest ad - at the front of a classroom, solemnly assuring us that there are no hard-to-pronounce chemicals in his products: ‘Not in my food’, he growls. It’s as though the real Captain Birdseye has been replaced by a government spokesman/tyrant, and all those (potentially embarrassing) hijinks on the high seas with a boatful of prepubescent kiddies have been edited out of history. This guy doesn’t look like he’s even been near a boat. Clearly, he just likes the uniform. You can see a sinister gleam of ambition in his eyes - only the name rankles. Captain Birdseye? It’s just embarrassing. Why can’t he be Admiral Sharkstooth? Or Commander Crabsclaw? Even held back by all the guidelines governing classroom behaviour, you still wouldn’t trust him with your kids.