would you like a new kidney with that?

So I continue with my customer service qualification. This is the sort of course that sometimes feels like it's making you stupider rather than teaching you things. You are asked to cite instances in which you have communicated with people. 'Did you use words? What words did you use?' I'm making that last bit up, but you get the idea. It's like being asked to describe how you got out of bed that morning.

Although, when we attempted this in the office, we quickly ran into difficulties.

The one big problem that hangs over us still is the 'observation', meaning that our assessors have to 'sit in' and watch us using our customer service skills. This is fine in more 'hands-on' parts of the organisation, where you are no doubt continually hoping that people 'enjoy their liver' and telling them to 'have a nice bleed'. However, our job isn't a full-on customer service job - more a question of answering the occasional phone-call or e-mail - and this presents problems. The assessor may sit, and sit, and nothing will happen. She might have to watch us doing the written part of our customer service qualification.

In order to avoid this, there seems to be a need for some element of performance. So people are being recruited to ring in from an office down the corridor, to make enquiries about things. One member of staff has volunteered to wander in and out of the office in a variety of disguises. Getting carried away, I have agreed to write a script. There will be people falling out of cupboards. There will be goats and chickens running around.

It will be a bit like a farce; which some would say is fitting.