Sex Crimes In The Old Post Office, and other stories
Listening to Radio 2 at work, I was amused to hear that a school were asking their pupils to wear 'baggy clothes' in order to discourage paedophiles. Blimey, why not just disfigure kids if they are so dangerously sexy? Burn their faces off!
Surprisingly, nobody rang in to Vanessa Feltz to make this suggestion. The school were worried, it transpired, about a 'known paedophile', who was said to be 'operating from his home' in the area. Operating from his home? They make paedophilia sound like a full-time job, instead of - as I'd always imagined - a hobby. Perhaps he should have rented an office. Been 'transparent'.
Anyway, the upshot was, as one caller made plain, that baggy clothes are no deterrent to paedophiles. Apparently, they have x-ray eyes.
In this context, I note that Brentwood is slightly at odds with the Zeitgeist. While the rest of the nation considers forcing kids into burkhas, Brentwood now has a beauty salon for children, called Trendy Monkeys. The owner is accused of furthering the 'sexualisation of children', but she maintains that she is only allowing them to be 'princesses'. Fair enough - I'm not convinced that 'beauty' has anything to do with sex anyway, and people who complain that kids nowadays 'don't have a childhood' should probably realise that they still do, it's just different. Once upon a time, losing the stabilisers on your bicycle was a landmark childhood experience - now, it's your first botox injection. It's called progress, folks.
I do hope that the owner of Trendy Monkeys will persist, and realise that there is no such thing as bad publicity. Soon, I hope to see them offering boob jobs to the under-fives and discounts on 'full sexualisation'. And then at last the time will be right for Ross to open his much-anticipated new club, Sexcrimes, in the old Post Office. He's a Tory, so they're bound to let it through.
Surprisingly, nobody rang in to Vanessa Feltz to make this suggestion. The school were worried, it transpired, about a 'known paedophile', who was said to be 'operating from his home' in the area. Operating from his home? They make paedophilia sound like a full-time job, instead of - as I'd always imagined - a hobby. Perhaps he should have rented an office. Been 'transparent'.
Anyway, the upshot was, as one caller made plain, that baggy clothes are no deterrent to paedophiles. Apparently, they have x-ray eyes.
In this context, I note that Brentwood is slightly at odds with the Zeitgeist. While the rest of the nation considers forcing kids into burkhas, Brentwood now has a beauty salon for children, called Trendy Monkeys. The owner is accused of furthering the 'sexualisation of children', but she maintains that she is only allowing them to be 'princesses'. Fair enough - I'm not convinced that 'beauty' has anything to do with sex anyway, and people who complain that kids nowadays 'don't have a childhood' should probably realise that they still do, it's just different. Once upon a time, losing the stabilisers on your bicycle was a landmark childhood experience - now, it's your first botox injection. It's called progress, folks.
I do hope that the owner of Trendy Monkeys will persist, and realise that there is no such thing as bad publicity. Soon, I hope to see them offering boob jobs to the under-fives and discounts on 'full sexualisation'. And then at last the time will be right for Ross to open his much-anticipated new club, Sexcrimes, in the old Post Office. He's a Tory, so they're bound to let it through.
posted by martin at 10:51 AM
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