The Last of Danny Dire

What the hell am I going to do now? Danny Dyer's Deadliest Men 2 has finished. The last episode was a compilation of all the 'best bits' of the series, themed around DD's slang, used exclusively by him, I think ('Didgy', anyone?) 'My arse is flapping', he said, quite a lot. No Danny - that's your mouth.

The other week he was talking to Bernard O'Mahoney, author of Essex Boys. O'Mahoney knew the Essex Boys gangsters. Not very nice people, apparently. 'Naked violence', he says of one. 'It's the only thing he knew.'

Yes, here is a man who actually speaks tabloid.

Of course anything he can do, DD can do better. When O'Mahoney talks about the effect of Ecstasy on Essex club culture, he puts it like this: 'the monsters turned into mice overnight'. Cue Danny, in portentous voiceover: 'And the mice needed feeding.'

I thought they were talking about e's, not cheese. Similiarly, DD describes these gangsters as 'having their fingers in various unsavoury pies'. Hmm, aren't unsavoury pies just sweet ones? Such as lemon meringue pies? Then again, you wouldn't want to find a finger in one, would you? A meat pie, that wouldn't be quite so bad.

Mat is calling Sam's cuddly pink pig 'Mr. Pork' in an attempt to convey to his child the fact that cute animals may be slaughtered for food. He has even come up with the idea of manufacturing cuddly pigs, cows etc. which, when unzipped, can be disassembled into cuddly cuts of meat and possibly organs (all labelled of course). He thinks that this would be educational. Though, after some discussion, we decided that it might give young children the wrong idea about household pets, as they try to unzip Fluffikins and extract her tripe.