harmless innuendo; local colour

Paula paid us a visit, fresh from her adventures in the real world. She is now working at an RHS garden. It's a shed-based job: from it, she leaps out upon the unsuspecting elderly, trying to sell them RHS membership. Which, of course, they already have.

'It's a hard world out there', she said. The garden is swarming with hares; she and her colleagues were fretting the other day that one of the frailer visitors might be knocked over by one. One woman said, by way of illustration: 'When my Johnny took me from behind, my knees trembled.' Johnny, it turns out, is the name of her dog.

So, that's alright then.

I am reminded of a previous employer, a cat-owner, who went to a posh function at Ingatestone Hall and said, when a cat tried to leap up into her lap: 'She can smell my pussy.'

They knew what she meant.

This reunion took place in The Swan. I was in there Wednesday night too, doing the quiz with Mat and Amanda, JP and Alex (we won). The (female) staff were wearing bowler hats and white shirts and braces. It was meant to be typical English dress in honour of St. George's Day but they more closely resembled droogs.

Well, who can say what's 'typically English'? The other day I passed a pub that was advertising 'karake'. What 's that? Judging by the board, all I can imagine is an obscure martial art in which participants fling razor-edged musical notes at each other.

Not too far from the truth, I imagine.