really just more of the same

But it seems that I am wrong, because Get Selling has been a big hit up North apparently, both with customers and with staff. Then again, in the North people do talk to each other. Down here, any stranger who talks to you is viewed with suspicion and contempt. And rightly so.

Take the other night. I answered the door to two guys attempting to drum up contributions to the WRVS. I didn’t ask why the Womens’ Royal Voluntary Service was being represented by two men. I merely stared at them like they were Martians who had landed on my doorstep five minutes into Eastenders (of course, real Martians would have done their research more thoroughly). Undeterred, one of the guys went into his script. There seemed to be pauses in this especially set up for my enthusiastic participation, but he rattled through these, as though not quite confident that I would play my part. I did though: as he finished, I delivered what I immediately recognised as my one line with some conviction. ‘No thanks’, I said, and they vanished with the rapidity of a stand-up comedy duo quitting the stage after a particularly bad gig.

I’m not even sure what I was saying no to. I seem to remember being asked to agree with the notion that taking old people to the bingo was a good idea. I couldn’t really think of any objections to that, though I remember trying. I suppose it was the inevitable (soft-pedalled) demand for money - ‘as little as a pound’. A pound! Don’t you think you need to compensate me for trespassing on Eastenders? Even if it has started borrowing plot lines from The Simpsons (Charlie accused of groping 's Yolande's arse, while in fact rescuing a boiled sweet that has got stuck there.)

Anyway my point is: we need less selling and less interaction, not more. In this consumer age we should be free to trudge through our lives like weary zombies. If we have to be processed through the machinery of capitalism we should at least be allowed to do so without being forced to wake up.

One of Get Selling's basic tenets is, apparently, that every customer who comes in the shop should be given a 'fantastic experience'. Are you kidding me? What would you say if one of your friends said they'd gone into Waterstone's and had 'a fantastic experience'? You'd think that they'd either (a.) lost their minds (b.) found God, or (c.) - and most likely - been taken out the back by a member of staff and given a good seeing-to. In spite of the persistent rumours about booksellers, I am here to tell you that this hardly ever happens.