Bees Blood Countdown
Lorraine said they now use bees to sniff out drugs. I was sceptical - 'What next? Trained mushrooms?' - but she saw it on The One Show, and you can't argue with that.
On the office radio Jeremy Vine was talking about a school where they encourage seven-year olds to massage each other. This got a lot of parents rather hot under the collar, and one came on to say that it was 'potentially opening a can of worms', perhaps my favourite use of this delightful phrase ever. However, by the time a caller defended her viewpoint (anti) by stressing that she worked in the sex industry - so definitely knew what she was talking about - you began to wonder if the discussion hadn't gone astray.
An urgent request came in from a hospital for a leaflet nobody had ever heard of called Will I Get The Right Blood? It does sound uncharacteristically pessimistic for one of our leaflets ('Will I get the right blood? I doubt it. You'll probably die.') But perhaps it belongs to an earlier era, when the service was not quite so customer-focussed, and produced such fondly-remembered information leaflets as It's Not Your Blood, It's Ours and How Are You Going To Stop Us Harvesting Your Organs?
The BBC Health News was saying that NHS staff are being encouraged to take every opportunity to promote healthy living. A spokesman said that this would not be annoying - it was just a matter of 'stating the obvious'. What, like 'You're fat'? Luckily I do not actually work for the NHS as such, but for what they call an 'Arm's Length Body', which means you get to keep the public at arm's length. I think.
Talking of insults, the BBC News website also revealed that someone came up with the word 'wanker' on Countdown. I mean, they submitted it as an answer, it wasn't just a bad reaction to the new presenter, Nick Hewer. Questionable words previously used on the show, we were told, include 'fart, bastards, and erection' - which is, coincidentally, the title of the new sitcom I'm working on for BBC3. A plot synopsis is available upon request.
On the office radio Jeremy Vine was talking about a school where they encourage seven-year olds to massage each other. This got a lot of parents rather hot under the collar, and one came on to say that it was 'potentially opening a can of worms', perhaps my favourite use of this delightful phrase ever. However, by the time a caller defended her viewpoint (anti) by stressing that she worked in the sex industry - so definitely knew what she was talking about - you began to wonder if the discussion hadn't gone astray.
An urgent request came in from a hospital for a leaflet nobody had ever heard of called Will I Get The Right Blood? It does sound uncharacteristically pessimistic for one of our leaflets ('Will I get the right blood? I doubt it. You'll probably die.') But perhaps it belongs to an earlier era, when the service was not quite so customer-focussed, and produced such fondly-remembered information leaflets as It's Not Your Blood, It's Ours and How Are You Going To Stop Us Harvesting Your Organs?
The BBC Health News was saying that NHS staff are being encouraged to take every opportunity to promote healthy living. A spokesman said that this would not be annoying - it was just a matter of 'stating the obvious'. What, like 'You're fat'? Luckily I do not actually work for the NHS as such, but for what they call an 'Arm's Length Body', which means you get to keep the public at arm's length. I think.
Talking of insults, the BBC News website also revealed that someone came up with the word 'wanker' on Countdown. I mean, they submitted it as an answer, it wasn't just a bad reaction to the new presenter, Nick Hewer. Questionable words previously used on the show, we were told, include 'fart, bastards, and erection' - which is, coincidentally, the title of the new sitcom I'm working on for BBC3. A plot synopsis is available upon request.
posted by martin at 10:43 AM
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