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Amy Childs went to Dubai and learned how to make scrambled egg. It transpires that Dubai, unlike LA, is 'not like Essex'. It is useful to have this kind of certainty in a fast-changing world. The other day I woke up to the news that I no longer live in Europe. Apparently David Cameron had split up with it, on our behalf, because he needed to go to the toilet.
I'm not kidding. He was using the 'full bladder technique' of decision-making, wherein you put off having a piss in order to keep yourself focussed. I don't think I would make very good decisions under those circumstances. I think I would just make the decision that got me to the nearest toilet in the fastest time. Perhaps that's what he did.
Anyway we needn't worry, because he was right. According to the Mail On Sunday, anyway, whose headline blared: 'YES, CAMERON GOT IT RIGHT.' This was the actual banner headline, not an editorial, and it referred to the result of an opinion poll. But what a relief! Now we don't have to wait and see how it actually turns out. Above this was the story of a Tory MP who had gone on a stag weekend in France at which someone was dressed as an SS officer, and they all toasted the Third Reich. Does that make him a Eurosceptic or a Europhile, I wonder?
I love the way the Mail brands people like Kenneth Clark 'Europhiles', as if they've identified a sickening new sexual perversion.
Within the paper, Peter Hichens was unconvinced by Cameron's stand, which would not, he feared, avail against 'Angela Merkel's giant vampire squid'. By which I think he meant the EU. Although politics would be a whole lot more exciting if Angela Merkel really did have a giant vampire squid.
No doubt all this stuff was covered on Friday's Have I Got News For You anyway - I didn't see it because I was enjoying a Christmas meal at the golf club. Well, maybe not the golf club, but a golf club. And it was good. I had a green plastic frog in my cracker, and - a nice touch this - the joke was about frogs also. It maintained that frogs use 'Morse toad' to communicate. Of course this is nonsense, as toads are a completely different species. You might as well say that they use Morse hedgehog. But it's the thought that counts.
I'm not kidding. He was using the 'full bladder technique' of decision-making, wherein you put off having a piss in order to keep yourself focussed. I don't think I would make very good decisions under those circumstances. I think I would just make the decision that got me to the nearest toilet in the fastest time. Perhaps that's what he did.
Anyway we needn't worry, because he was right. According to the Mail On Sunday, anyway, whose headline blared: 'YES, CAMERON GOT IT RIGHT.' This was the actual banner headline, not an editorial, and it referred to the result of an opinion poll. But what a relief! Now we don't have to wait and see how it actually turns out. Above this was the story of a Tory MP who had gone on a stag weekend in France at which someone was dressed as an SS officer, and they all toasted the Third Reich. Does that make him a Eurosceptic or a Europhile, I wonder?
I love the way the Mail brands people like Kenneth Clark 'Europhiles', as if they've identified a sickening new sexual perversion.
Within the paper, Peter Hichens was unconvinced by Cameron's stand, which would not, he feared, avail against 'Angela Merkel's giant vampire squid'. By which I think he meant the EU. Although politics would be a whole lot more exciting if Angela Merkel really did have a giant vampire squid.
No doubt all this stuff was covered on Friday's Have I Got News For You anyway - I didn't see it because I was enjoying a Christmas meal at the golf club. Well, maybe not the golf club, but a golf club. And it was good. I had a green plastic frog in my cracker, and - a nice touch this - the joke was about frogs also. It maintained that frogs use 'Morse toad' to communicate. Of course this is nonsense, as toads are a completely different species. You might as well say that they use Morse hedgehog. But it's the thought that counts.
posted by martin at 11:51 AM
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