nobody knows i'm a celebrity

Preston was on XFM talking about how the new-found success of The Ordinary Boys has justified his decision to go on Celebrity Big Brother. Apparently, he was over the moon because someone came up to him and said: ‘You sold out the Brixton Academy in four hours!’ Or to put it another way: You sold out. Not that he ever had much to sell in the first place that didn't already belong to the Jam or the Specials or...

I heard that Chantelle is having a road named after her in Wickford. Though perhaps an alley would have been more suitable. Or a bypass. But everyone loves Chantelle, because she’s so ‘down to earth’. Just like an ordinary person! Oh hang on, she is an ordinary person. Surely we need celebrities to be different from us. To be glamorous, spiteful, freakish; like Pete Burns. Throughout the five minutes I spent watching Celebrity Big Brother, I never quite got over the novelty of this Scouse docker’s voice emerging from between the hyper-inflated lips of this weird doll-like creature. He was the ventriloquist and the dummy rolled into one. Now that’s entertainment.