IMHO

Some caller on Jeremy Vine (but it was Vanessa Feltz on this occasion) was telling Vanessa that they're fed up to the back teeth with homosexuality being 'constantly forced down our throats.' Yes, but it isn't really being forced down your throat, is it? Or at least (since I don't know what goes on in your private life), surely not constantly. If it was being forced down your throat constantly, I wouldn't have to hear you speak. So I think, on balance, that it's a good thing. At least when it comes to your throat.

I'm sure that most of the opinions that come through to Jeremy Vine aren't from 'the public' at all, they just come up with them in the studio, putting on funny voices if necessary. I expect Paul Whitehouse is involved. How else to account for the woman who disapproved of Polish immigrants because 'you never see them in Waitrose'? On the same topic, someone rang in to say that if you walked through Hereford with your eyes shut, you'd think that you were in Poland. It is not the 'shocking' image of Hereford-as-Warsaw that lingers in the mind upon hearing this, but the more startling one of the 'native' Herefordians stumbling through the place like a bunch of sleepwalkers. Perhaps the place could do with some livening up? More immigration would probably help.

The presenters are just as bad. Matthew Bannister, standing in for JV after the Eastleigh by-election, said to some Lib Dem: 'You've got sleaze in the party!', making it sound like dry rot – you half-expected him to say that he'd spotted some on the guy's shirt ('It's disgusting, like some kind of black snot'). Meanwhile, the Tory representative was told that the party was paying the price for their focus on 'gay marriage and wind farms'. Or how about the ultimate traditional Tory-voter's nightmare, the gay wind farm? Changing the subject slightly, Gay Wind Farm sounds like it would make a great musical – the next Book Of Mormon maybe. I shall write it! See if I don't.