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Plumbers have been to look at the bathroom, sucking their teeth and offering quotes. Soon, the toilet may become stable, and sitting upon it less like an experience at Alton Towers. In the back garden, the previous toilet still reclines. Dave has suggested making it a centrepiece of the front lawn, which is a good idea, except that passers-by would probably use it for its original intended purpose.

Honestly, what is the world coming to when you can't even put a toilet in your front garden for fear of people pissing and shitting in it? I've a good mind to write a letter to the Daily Mail. WORK LONGER FOR A SMALLER PENSION, was their headline on Thursday. As their special offers go, it seems unlikely to prove as popular as Lark Rise on DVD.

Of course this was before events in Japan made every other news story shamefacedly wonder if it really belonged on the news at all. Watching all those homes and cars being swept away, as though by the whim of a child at the end of a game, it strikes me that the worst thing is - Nature makes it look so easy. I've already lost count of the number of nuclear reactors that have exploded or are due to explode. Why does Japan build so many nuclear power stations by the sea?, grumbled the Daily Mail peevishly. As if the Japanese were just being typically perverse. Eventually, however, they had to answer their own question - they use sea water as a coolant. Oh, right.