the man with one brain

Mat came up with a thorny problem the other evening. He would dearly love to be a connoisseur of whiskey; only problem is, he doesn't like it. Most people would probably give up on the idea at this point, but Matthew is made of sterner stuff. Blaming his dislike on a 'fault' in his brain (due to a childhood trauma which occurred when he downed an entire bottle of the stuff on a whim), he is forcing himself to drink it in the hope of making his brain change its mind. However, thus far, brain says no.

This scenario struck me as slightly odd. I mean, where is he in all this? Which is the real Mat? The brain that hates whiskey? Or the guy frowning at the brain as though it were a malfunctioning TV? However, when I tried to explain this, it didn't go down very well. Suffice it to say that, when Mat eventually rids the world of all its 'idiots', I am unlikely to be one of the few survivors.

Still, I have thought on his problem, and I don't see why he shouldn't become a connoisseur of whiskey anyway. When he shows his collection of hundred-year-old malts off to visitors, and they ask which he prefers, he can shudder theatrically and say: 'Oh Christ no, I don't drink the stuff! It's pure poison!' I imagine that this would give him a certain cachet in whiskey-loving circles.

It also occurred to me that he could form a double act, Mat And His Brain. He could wear Edwardian costume (I'm not quite sure why) and the brain would be in a bubbling vat, of course:

MAT: Now see here brain, I have it in mind to become the greatest connoisseur of whiskey the world has ever known. What do you have to say to that?

BRAIN (in a reverberating undertone): Gay-y-y-y.