for better and for worse

Dave bought some 'noise-cancelling' headphones. 'I can't hear anything when I've got them on', he said with satisfaction.

So maybe he should send them back then.

Mat was out on Saturday night for Dave's birthday, showing us his pride and joy: a new mobile phone! He points it at the sky and it shows him the stars! Plus, through the miracle of GPS, it was able to tell us exactly where we were: on a rooftop just next to the Swan's back garden, apparently.

Later the three of us who were left went inside the pub proper, where a DJ was playing. If the mark of a true artist is that they carry on with their work no matter what the world's reaction is, then this man was indeed a great artist. Certainly he had managed to recreate the authentic atmosphere of a particularly boring wedding. People did start to dance right at the end but I think they were being ironic.

At least it was better than staying in and watching TV feasting on its own entrails in Fern Britton's new show called something like Now Let's Remember Old TV Shows, They May Have Been Shit But At Least They Were Better Than This One. It only makes one long for the halcyon days (a month or two ago) of All-Star Mr. And Mrs. Bland as it undoubtedly was, it did offer the occasional chilling glimpse into the home lives of celebs. I am pleased to have learned, for example, that Stirling Moss has the house wired up so that if his wife is watching TV downstairs too late (as he deems it), he can plunge her into darkness and silence from the bedroom, at the flick of a switch! It's like something from a modern-day Gothic novel I might one day write.