Attack of the Giant Baby

To be honest I’m trying hard to ignore Donald Dick, at least until the bombs start falling. I am trying to access a state of mind wherein his pronouncements are of no more significance to me than the wailing of a baby in a distant room - which is not so far from the truth when you think about it.

He is an endlessly needy creature, a flimsy container for a black hole of narcissism, which must by its very nature drag everything into it, or die.

To be fair, a baby does have the excuse of being completely helpless; Donald Dick is at the other end of the scale in this regard. It is we who are helpless.

I know I am. In spite of my resolution, I have to look and I have to listen. I mean, what’s this? Here he is claiming that many more people attended his inauguration than did Obama’s even though everyone can see that they didn’t.

This wail of frustrated neediness must perforce be conveyed to the world  through words, necessitating the appearance of Press Secretary Sean Spicer, who – in order to translate it into a language the assembled hacks might understand – has to resort to the use of ‘alternative facts’. It’s as though these might lead to a full-blown alternative reality, one in which Dick is a real dictator, not just a half-assed one – because, of course, a real dictator could have ensured that those crowds were actually there, even if he had to pay them.

(Or those crowds might have turned up voluntarily I suppose – but even in a universe of endless possibilities, that one does seem remote.)

Or perhaps Dick is just having a laugh. He’s probably seen Veep, wants to know how it will play out in real life. Whatever, the important thing is that Dick is being himself, whether that self is a yapping dog, crying child, or cackling imbecile.

When Dick talks about the ‘dishonest’ media he seems to imply that he himself is ‘honest’, but his idea of honesty does not relate to facts, it relates to emotions. It’s an American tradition, expressing yourself, not bottling everything up, and one which Dick is wholeheartedly in favour of, as long as the emotions being expressed are his.

His ultimate goal, I would suggest, is not just to express his emotions but to enforce them on the world, a goal perhaps best achieved through the use of nuclear devices, for which he displays a childlike enthusiasm.

In this way the black hole inside him will be able to reverse its trajectory and become for a brief moment a blazing star once again as it obliterates the real world and all its inconvenient truths.

Would things have been any better under Hitlery Klingon? I doubt it. Maybe it's just the difference between finding the killing of a child 'justifiable' and actively exulting in it. 'Why the Hell not?' - it could be Donald Dick's catchphrase. But make no mistake, Hell will be unleashed – just in an alternative reality, if we’re lucky.