Light Entertainment

Someone I know has been in TOWIE! So it must be real. Well, sort-of. There are clearly some issues around moving from this dimension into their world which have resulted in a catastrophic melting of Shaun's features. Either that or the camera was too busy focussing on Marco in the foreground. Whatever. The irony is that this honour has not been accorded to one of our own but to someone from Manchester. Then again, Essex is less a place than a state of the soul.

The most gripping thing on it at the moment is possibly Gemma, who has just broken up with her slightly odd-looking boyfriend. The other day he was sketching her (with hilarious results!) and she likened herself, rolled up as she was in some kind of pink wrap, to 'a pig in a blanket'. It was such a well-chosen phrase that I began to suspect that they'd hired an actual writer. Later, Gemma was found to be sending saucy texts to someone called Ricky - 'something about a badger', we were told - which made her boyfriend so insecure that he told her he was 'scared of the shoes I'm wearing'. She didn't even care but then after he'd stormed off she complained of feeling like 'a dog that's broke its leg'.

So yes, I think there may well be a scriptwriter. It's Harry Hill.