slow news week
A few days ago I saw an Essex police van parked opposite the war memorial at the end of Middleton Hall Lane. A streetlight was arranged in front of it in such a way that the first two letters of 'Essex' were obscured; just as I noticed this, the vehicle started rocking. I think someone was getting out. Nevertheless, it was highly amusing, more amusing than I can possibly convey in mere words.
The real question is: what were the police doing opposite the war memorial? Only this week has the national news unveiled the answer: they were waiting for someone to piss on it.
The unfortunate (or evil) drunken student caught on CCTV doing this very thing (albeit in Sheffield) is now some kind of national anti-celebrity - or, if you prefer, celebrity. His iconoclastic piss was all over Jeremy Vine, who asked listeners to suggest an appropriate penance for the student. Judging by the response (visits to Auschwitz, working in veteran's care homes, etc.) this process of atonement could easily last the rest of his life. Although, if some listeners had their way, that wouldn't be very long. Hanging, public stoning - they're still out there, Jimmy Young's old audience. But, as one pointed out, if this guy isn't severely punished, that will constitute 'a green light for people to pee anywhere'.
Can you imagine such a light? It's the kind of thing I try to do, as my mind wanders in the office. I had this whole back story worked up about Cheryl Cole's recent single Fight For This Love, or whatever it's called. We have the radio on quite low in the office, and I kept hearing the song's refrain as: 'We're going to fly, fly, fly, fly back to the spot.' This makes perfect sense if the song is about Cheryl being in a plane crash in the South American jungle, and being forced, in order to survive, to eat the corpse of her boyfriend - all except the head, she can't quite bring herself to do that and, anyway, she gets rescued. Then, a year later, she returns to the spot with the boyfriend's head to perform some kind of ceremony to give her closure, but something goes wrong, the plane crashes again and -
Yeah, well you get the idea. It would have been Cheryl Cole's Heart of Darkness!
Apparently though, it was all in my mind. Although I can't help but think that she missed a trick there.
The real question is: what were the police doing opposite the war memorial? Only this week has the national news unveiled the answer: they were waiting for someone to piss on it.
The unfortunate (or evil) drunken student caught on CCTV doing this very thing (albeit in Sheffield) is now some kind of national anti-celebrity - or, if you prefer, celebrity. His iconoclastic piss was all over Jeremy Vine, who asked listeners to suggest an appropriate penance for the student. Judging by the response (visits to Auschwitz, working in veteran's care homes, etc.) this process of atonement could easily last the rest of his life. Although, if some listeners had their way, that wouldn't be very long. Hanging, public stoning - they're still out there, Jimmy Young's old audience. But, as one pointed out, if this guy isn't severely punished, that will constitute 'a green light for people to pee anywhere'.
Can you imagine such a light? It's the kind of thing I try to do, as my mind wanders in the office. I had this whole back story worked up about Cheryl Cole's recent single Fight For This Love, or whatever it's called. We have the radio on quite low in the office, and I kept hearing the song's refrain as: 'We're going to fly, fly, fly, fly back to the spot.' This makes perfect sense if the song is about Cheryl being in a plane crash in the South American jungle, and being forced, in order to survive, to eat the corpse of her boyfriend - all except the head, she can't quite bring herself to do that and, anyway, she gets rescued. Then, a year later, she returns to the spot with the boyfriend's head to perform some kind of ceremony to give her closure, but something goes wrong, the plane crashes again and -
Yeah, well you get the idea. It would have been Cheryl Cole's Heart of Darkness!
Apparently though, it was all in my mind. Although I can't help but think that she missed a trick there.
posted by martin at 12:59 PM
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