boiling a hyena
Next week comes the big announcement at work about ‘harmonisation’. This is the final melding of Waterstone’s and Ottakars: they want us all to sign new contracts. The drill is: the manager makes the announcement, you ‘go off and think about it’ (stagger dazedly away and fix yourself a stiff drink, or two) and then come back for a ‘one-to-one’ with your manager (drunkenly abuse them and get fired).
No, I’m sure it won’t be like that. I mean, ‘harmonisation’! It sounds so lovely. Like ‘friendly fire’.
It was Bank Holiday. The rain did not cease to scratch at the windows. Scrabble-playing weather. Currently I am sat here watching telly. The Two Ronnies is on, over and over again. What, is it Two Ronnies day or something?
Yes. On ITV3, it is.
I could have gone to see Pirates Of The Caribbean 3 (everyone else has) only I thought even the trailer went on too long.
Mind you, look at me, I’ll watch any old shit. On Sunday I even watched Heartbeat. Is this still set in the sixties? They played White Rabbit over the climactic scenes, but it’s hard to tell. It has been going so long that it should be set in the future by now. Or perhaps it has diverged into a parallel universe.
This episode was about a ‘family entertainer’ who arranges to be falsely accused of theft for the publicity. Of course it all goes wrong and he ends up threatening to kill his female assistant and trying to stab a policeman. Even better publicity, you might think, but this is where Heartbeat differs from real life where - or so I read in the Brentwood Gazette - Jodie Marsh is launching a quest to find a husband on MTV. The title of the programme (Who’ll Take Jodie Marsh Up The Aisle?) may give some idea of the seriousness of the project, but if you want to know more you can always visit www.marryjodiemarsh.com. I haven’t.
Is ‘marry’ now just a euphemism for ‘fuck’, then? Is marriage the ultimate sexual perversion? Hmm, let’s think about that. The dressing up. The rings. The vicar looking on. Everyone watching. Maybe Jodie has a point. Or maybe I’ve been watching The Two Ronnies for too long.
No, I’m sure it won’t be like that. I mean, ‘harmonisation’! It sounds so lovely. Like ‘friendly fire’.
It was Bank Holiday. The rain did not cease to scratch at the windows. Scrabble-playing weather. Currently I am sat here watching telly. The Two Ronnies is on, over and over again. What, is it Two Ronnies day or something?
Yes. On ITV3, it is.
I could have gone to see Pirates Of The Caribbean 3 (everyone else has) only I thought even the trailer went on too long.
Mind you, look at me, I’ll watch any old shit. On Sunday I even watched Heartbeat. Is this still set in the sixties? They played White Rabbit over the climactic scenes, but it’s hard to tell. It has been going so long that it should be set in the future by now. Or perhaps it has diverged into a parallel universe.
This episode was about a ‘family entertainer’ who arranges to be falsely accused of theft for the publicity. Of course it all goes wrong and he ends up threatening to kill his female assistant and trying to stab a policeman. Even better publicity, you might think, but this is where Heartbeat differs from real life where - or so I read in the Brentwood Gazette - Jodie Marsh is launching a quest to find a husband on MTV. The title of the programme (Who’ll Take Jodie Marsh Up The Aisle?) may give some idea of the seriousness of the project, but if you want to know more you can always visit www.marryjodiemarsh.com. I haven’t.
Is ‘marry’ now just a euphemism for ‘fuck’, then? Is marriage the ultimate sexual perversion? Hmm, let’s think about that. The dressing up. The rings. The vicar looking on. Everyone watching. Maybe Jodie has a point. Or maybe I’ve been watching The Two Ronnies for too long.
posted by martin at 9:56 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home